Destiny's calling – it's time to answer! / / Sandy Walker, Freedom Coach

Last month, I shared a list of statements that helped to define Powerful People versus Powerless People. You can read the post here: Are You Powerful or Powerless?

This month, I want to continue this discussion. It is very easy to fall into the trap of “rescuing” a powerless person. Especially if you are a resourceful, helping kind of person and if it is someone you love (i.e. your partner, spouse, mother, father, sibling, best friend, etc.)

Ask yourself these questions from time to time – it will help you stay healthy in your relationships.
Am I taking on too much responsibility?
Am I becoming resentful of them for “making me” take on these responsibilities?
Am I ignoring how they treat me if it is disrespectful or inconsiderate?
Am I ignoring my needs and desires in order to “help” them?
Am I afraid that if I don’t do a certain thing, they will blowup, leave or make a scene?
Am I lying/misrepresenting the truth to “cover” for them?
Am I blaming myself or someone else for this problem (when it’s clearly their responsibility)?
Am I offering to help them without being asked?

It is actually a sign of being a Powerless person when you rescue others. It enables them to continue to be powerless and dependent while it makes you feel temporarily powerful. But it’s not real power. It’s an unhealthy dependence.

I have found these questions helpful in my own relationships. It’s so easy to see a need and try to “help”. But sometimes it becomes an unhealthy pattern that drains your energy and makes you resentful.

Have you ever experienced that? Feel free to share your comments below.

If you discover that you are “stuck” in a relationship that has this unhealthy pattern of “rescuing” a powerless person in your life, I can help you with that. Many, many people confess to me that this is happening in 1 or more relationships in their life. It can be hard to break a lifetime of what seems like a “good” thing. You may feel guilty about wanting to break the pattern – especially if you’ve been “helping” for a long time. But eventually the bad feelings that this pattern creates start to catch up to you and life becomes gray. You might even get depressed, especially if you feel that nothing will ever change. Contact me – I’d like to help you before it gets that bad. Call me at 305-781-6229 or send me an email at DestinysFreedom.com

Sandy Walker, Freedom Coach

Sandy Walker, Freedom Coach

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Comments on: "How to Avoid Rescuing a Powerless Person" (3)

  1. Adam J.M. Mason said:

    Great insightful post. Thanks!

  2. Tina Sapp said:

    I feel I waiver to much between rescuing and allowing my kids to make their own choices. Do you have any recomendations on how to be more consistant and creative w/ consequences w/ kids and not rescuing them?

    • Tina,
      Thanks for your comment. I have an excellent book to recommend that really empowers children to make their own decisions and helps you as a parent let them learn from their own mistakes. You did not mention how old your children are, so below are two links – one to use with kids and one for teens.

      If the children are 10 years old or older, you can let them be part of the discipline process. This teaches them respect for boundaries. Ask them what consequences they think would be appropriate – you’d be surprised what they come up with. They are often harder on themselves than you would be! You can work together to come up with principles that everyone in the family will follow and then consequences if those principles are not followed.

      Learning how not to rescue your kids is a process – you have to be convinced that it’s okay for them to suffer the consequences of their choices. If you don’t teach them this, then they will suffer much more when they are young adults and the real world consequences are painful. So they either suffer a little now or they suffer a lot later – that may help you to keep it in perspective when you feel tempted to rescue them.

      The point is to teach them that you’re not the “bad guy” who enforces consequences, but that “bad choices” have consequences. They are free to choose as they please, but they need to learn the connection between their choices and the expected outcomes.

      I hope this helps! Below are the links to the books. If you’d like more personal support in doing this, please call me and we’ll set up a coaching appointment over the phone. I can help you identify what are the specific things that are blocking you from being the parent you want to be. I’m here to help – not criticize. Just having some support can really give you the confidence to do what needs to be done. My number is 305-781-6229. My website can tell you more about coaching and what it is like: http://www.destinysfreedom.com.

      Boundaries with Kids:
      http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0310243157/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=0310243157&linkCode=as2&tag=destinysfreed-20&linkId=2OMUKGFTZTEGDSXI

      Boundaries with Teens:
      http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0310270456/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=0310270456&linkCode=as2&tag=destinysfreed-20&linkId=F7J7ARRLMP4RVC5S

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