Destiny's calling – it's time to answer! / / Sandy Walker, Freedom Coach

Are You Inside Out?

If you haven’t seen the new animation by Disney called Inside Out, I highly recommend that you watch it. It has some terrific lessons about managing our emotions. You’ll laugh, you may cry and you’ll nod in understanding. The writers did a great job of capturing what it is like to be human.

The primary theme of the movie is that we need ALL our emotions, not just the positive ones. We live in a society that pressures us to “have it all together” which somehow means being happy, successful and never showing sadness, fear or anger publicly. Why? Who decided this standard? Why do we resist expressing negative emotions – does this standard imply they are invalid? Certainly not!

It’s important to validate your emotions – it’s okay to be angry, it’s okay to be sad and it’s okay to be afraid. It doesn’t make you any less of a person. We can spend so much energy ignoring or pushing down our emotions that it wears us out emotionally. I’ve heard people say, “I’m just so tired.” They are tired of pretending everything is okay. Why not try a different route? VALIDATION

Action step: Give yourself permission to feel your emotions. If they come up in a place where you don’t want to express them (i.e. at work), then give yourself a chance to express them later. Make a point of telling yourself, “It’s okay to be sad.” (or angry or fearful or whatever emotion you may be feeling). Express the emotion and then let it go. Don’t wallow in it until it consumes you. Find the truth in what you are feeling – are you angry because you experienced something unjust? Are you sad because someone disappointed you? Putting words to what you are experiencing can help you get a handle on what to do, if anything, about the situation that caused your emotional reaction. Validating your right to feel your emotions is very freeing and powerful. I challenge you to try it for yourself – let me know how it goes!

Emotional Freedom

Emotional Freedom is my specialty – I’m a Freedom Coach. I help people learn how to manage their emotions and clear out any blocked feelings. Sometimes you can feel “stuck” emotionally – I can help you get unstuck. For years I felt overwhelmed by negative emotions and I didn’t know what to do. I spent a lot of time and money finding answers. Now I have LOTS of Peace and Joy. I’ve learned how to manage fear, anger and disappointment so that they don’t rule my life anymore. If you’d like to learn how to do this, I would love to help you. It’s so much easier to learn this when you have a coach by your side, helping you grow and understand what is happening inside of you. You don’t have to do it alone – I’ll help you! Call me 305-781-6229 or email me at swalker@destinysfreedom.com.

Sandy Walker, Freedom Coach

Sandy Walker, Freedom Coach

Abundance or Lack?

Abundance vs Scarcity

What are YOU thinking about today?

This poster really caught my eye. Your mindset determines how you view the world and what you expect to happen to you. This is very important to pay attention to – which one describes you?

Abundance mindset
Have a sense of gratitude
Compliments others
Forgives others
Reads every day & talks about ideas
Wants others to succeed
Sets goals and knows who they want to be
Exudes joy

Scarcity mindset
Have a sense of entitlement
Criticizes others
Holds grudges
Watches TV every day & talks about people
Hopes that others fail
Does not set goals and does not know who they want to be
Exudes anger/anxiety

Do you realize each item on this list is a CHOICE? People tend to think of themselves as the victim of their circumstances or other people’s choices, but in reality we get to CHOOSE what to do with what life hands us. We can cry about how sour life is or we can make lemonade from the lemons we are handed. The choice is ours to make.

Action step: Choose 1 item from the Scarcity mindset that sounds like you (there’s probably at least 1 that you fall into from time to time … or daily). Look for the opposite characteristic in the Abundance mindset. [There are more on the poster than just the ones I listed above. Pinch the screen to enlarge it.] Determine that from now on you will make a different CHOICE. You will choose to BE a different person … it’s all based on your choices, you know. You get to CHOOSE who you will BE – did you know that? No one can MAKE you be the person with the Scarcity mindset just as no one can MAKE you think like the Abundance mindset. It’s completely up to YOU.

You get to CHOOSE who you will BE – did you know that?

Go BE amazing!! I believe you can do it!!

Call me if you need help – I’ll cheer you on.  305-781-6229 or swalker@destinyfreedom.com

Take a minute and quickly list 5 things you are in complete control of in your life. No, really – just do it. What comes to mind?

My job – are you in control of how much money you make? who you work with? the amount of time you spend working? whether or not you work there?

My time – did you control what time you got up this morning? how much time you spent in traffic? whether or not you took time to brush your teeth?

My family – are you in control of the choices your children make? how about your spouse’s actions? your parents, siblings or in-laws’ behavior?

The reason I am asking you to list things over which you have complete control is to help you see that VERY LITTLE is really under your control. This is actually GOOD news! Why? Because you are not responsible for things over which you have no control. Did you know that? It makes sense when you think about it. You can only be held responsible for things over which you have control.

Why do we spend so much time worrying about things over which we don’t have control?

mind-and-thoughts

Action step: You can reduce your stress significantly by asking yourself this question whenever you find yourself worrying or thinking about something over and over: What do I actually have control over in this situation? Then focus on the choices YOU can make – the ones you have control over. The rest of it – let it GO! Worrying saps your mental and emotional strength. Focusing on what you CAN control is empowering and gives you peace.

Here are some things you can control:

  • how you use your free time
  • what you allow your mind to focus on
  • how you respond to others
  • the words that come out of your mouth
  • your attitude (yes, that’s a choice, believe it or not)
  • your values and how that drives your behavior

Many of my clients experience a significant shift in their level of stress when they practice this little exercise regularly. Stop and assess each situation and then choose to put your energy where it can best be used – on YOU.

Got Mental Weeds?

Garden of thoughts

“I can do it!”
“I have what it takes.”
“I am a good person.”
Personal affirmations like the ones above are touted by most self-help gurus. They tell us to say these things to ourselves every day, emphasizing that you should look in the mirror when you say them.

I’m not knocking that – positive affirmations are definitely better than what most of us hear in our heads. Things like …
“How could you say something so stupid?”
“I’ll never make it. I’m a failure.”

Those gurus tell us that if we monitor our negative “self-talk” and replace it with positive affirmations, our lives will change dramatically.

The problem is – it doesn’t usually work so well. Your mind says, “Who are you kidding? You think saying these statements is going to magically make them true?” The words feel empty – lacking the power of transformation.

So what can be done? I discovered a few years ago that part of the reason why positive affirmations don’t work very well is that the negative statements we believe about ourselves are anchored by emotional experiences. As long as the emotional anchor is still there, no amount of pretty words is going to remove it.

In many cases, those negative statements were said to us when we were emotionally vulnerable – by someone we admired or loved (i.e. parent, teacher, coach). Sometimes we said them to ourselves when we felt rejected by someone else.

We’ve got to deal with the emotional anchor – the memory of the pain – before we can let go of the negative statement and replace it with a positive one. I am amazed that a lot of self-help books skip this part. It is critical to successful transformation!

Action step: In order to remove the negative statement you believe about yourself, you’ve got to get to the root. Just like in gardening, if you cut a weed at the base but leave the roots in the ground, guess what will happen? The weed will grow back – just like those negative thoughts. You have to dig into the dirt and pull the weed up by the roots. What’s nice is that when you do that, it leaves a little hole for the new seed to be planted. That’s where the positive affirmation comes in.

I have an exercise in my book called the Lie Detector. It can be used to “uproot” those negative statements you believe. It involves forgiving the person who caused you pain when they said those statements about you – sometimes that person was you.

If you’d like some help with the gardening process, please give me a call! I’d love to help you pull some weeds so you have space to grow beautiful flowers. What you plant will grow – the choice is YOURS. Contact me

Flowers from my Garden

Want More Confidence?

 Fonz

What Makes Some People So Confident?

Some people act with so much confidence. Have you ever wondered why? Remember the Fonz on the TV show, Happy Days? He was so “cool & confident”. He inspired Richie to want to be like him. You probably have some people like that in your life. What makes them so confident?

Self-confidence comes from a combination of life purpose and a strong sense of self-worth. When you know where you are going in life (your purpose) and you value yourself & your goals, it is easier to make decisions. Your sense of “inner direction” and your value system guides you daily. When you develop a strong sense of self-worth, insecurity disappears. You know who you are and you know what you want. As you pursue it, doors “magically” open for you. You have favor with important people and things happen for you effortlessly. It’s pretty amazing to watch.

So, how do you get there?

Action step: Start with strengthening your sense of self-worth. Ask 3 people who are close to you (a friend, a family member and a coworker) to tell you 3 characteristics about you that are positive. Ask them for examples of when you have demonstrated those characteristics. Can they tell you why those characteristics are valuable to them? Take all that information and study it. Do YOU see the value in yourself?

This is something that is very hard for some people to do. You probably take your strengths and talents for granted because they are so “familiar” to you. You may focus on what other people can do well (and often judge yourself as inadequate by comparison). If you don’t value yourself, then you probably don’t value your strengths either. But there’s hope!

There’s more to this process – too much to write in a short post like this. I can help you develop greater self-worth through personal coaching sessions. Then once that is established, you can work on life purpose. Your self-confidence will grow. Then you’ve got a great platform for the “magic” to begin. Call me – I’ll help you! You don’t have to do this alone anymore. Cell: 305-781-6229 🙂

P.S. This post is the latest article to appear in my monthly newsletter, Coach Sandy’s Tips for Life. If you’d like to receive more uplifting, encouraging (but short!) little articles like this once a month, you can sign up here:

Q54 Authentic is Priceless

This came to me the other night.

Just by being authentic … by being “REAL” and not fake or pretending to be something you aren’t makes a HUGE impact on those around you.

People sense authenticity. You can tell when someone is “real”, can’t you?

Somehow when you are with someone who is authentic – it frees you up. It gives you permission to just be YOU.

Since they aren’t pretending, that means they have accepted themselves. They are not trying to put on a show to get you to like them. They like who they are.

And somehow that self-acceptance translates to being free to be yourself with them.

And THAT is priceless.

The world is full of people trying to impress others – trying to fit in, to be accepted.

Rare are the ones who have stopped playing the game and have decided to simply accept themselves. With those folks, it does not matter whether you look right, talk right or even act right. You are allowed to just “be” – no performing.

What a priceless gift that is.

Thank you, Friend, for showing me that the other day.

Being thankful ♥

This is the month we focus on being thankful for what we have. I thought I’d repost this little inspirational thought about cultivating gratitude.

Gratitude
“Gratitude is the attitude that releases increases!” – Sandy Walker

Okay, I know – it’s kind of a catchy phrase. But it’s really TRUE! When you are grateful for something, you are focusing positive energy on that thing. Whatever you focus on … grows. So, it makes sense that when you are grateful that releases more good things to come to you … usually of the same kind.

Try it! It will open up your heart to receive MORE. I promise. 🙂

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