Destiny's calling – it's time to answer!

Posts tagged ‘honest’

TRUTH BRINGS FREEDOM

Q41 Truth brings Freedom

TRUTH BRINGS FREEDOM

It just does. Need I say more? Tell the truth – it will set you free. Listen to the truth – it will set you free. Be the truth – set others free.

It’s pretty simple. Lies (the opposite of truth) ensnare you like a spider’s web. If you want to be free – live the truth you know. Listen to the truth that resonates with you. Be the truth that others need to see/hear.

FEAR stands for False Evidence Appearing Real

Q37 Look for Proof

FEAR: False Evidence Appearing Real – Look for Proof!

Most of us think our thoughts are accurate. We trust our own thinking so much that we do not think to question our own thoughts.

That’s why I love this statement – FEAR stands for False Evidence Appearing Real. Often when we are afraid, it is not based on reality. It is based on assumptions and on inaccurate information.

When my clients express a fear, I ask them for proof. They pause, stammer a minute and then realize that they don’t have any. We are so used to just believing everything that comes to our minds that we lose the ability to examine what is at the root of our fears. I don’t want them to look silly (being unable to prove that their fear is based on reality), but at the same time, I want to teach them to question their assumptions.

For instance, a lady came to me once and said she wanted to become a confident communicator. She was afraid to start conversations at parties because she didn’t feel confident. We worked on some communication skills to help build her confidence. She improved and was ready to try out her new skills. However, she still felt afraid of “looking dumb”.

So, I asked her to prove it to me. “Are you dumb?” I asked. She gave me a shocked expression and said, “No, of course not!” Then I asked her if she had ever had trouble in school due to learning difficulties or speech impediments that made her “feel dumb” among other children. She said no.

“So how would you “look dumb” in conversation?” I asked her. I wanted her to figure out exactly what her fear was. What she realized was that “looking dumb” was a judgment. She was afraid that either someone else would judge what she had to say as “dumb” or she would think what she said was “dumb”. So we worked on these specific things. First, you cannot control other people’s judgment of you. She had to let that go. For her, the primary issue was judging herself as “dumb”. We did some work on that – to learn self-acceptance and self-compassion. And her fear melted away.

The next time she went to a social gathering, she emailed me to tell me how smoothly it went. She successfully started several conversation with strangers and acquaintances and never once did she “look dumb” in her estimation. Success!

Take some time to examine your fears. Can you find proof that what you imagine will happen actually has a good chance of happening? And if it does, then what? When we break down our fears, often we discover that they are based on a fuzzy sense of logic. By breaking them down, we can overcome them.

Try it and let me know how it works for you! ♥

Sandy Walker, Freedom Coach

Sandy Walker, Freedom Coach

Things can CHANGE for the better – I promise!

Q30 Things CAN change
“Things can CHANGE for the better – I promise!” – Sandy Walker

They really CAN change. I’ve seen it happen many, many times. If you are willing to adjust and make different choices, then things will change.

If you’d like some support in making some changes in your life, please let me know. Or if you want things to change for the better, but you don’t know how to start, that’s definitely something I can help you with. You can contact me privately through my website www.destinysfreedom.com.

Sandy Walker, Freedom Coach

Sandy Walker, Freedom Coach

I like who I am ♥ Do you like who you are?

Q27 Stop Self Rejection

When you start loving YOU – guess what? Other people will love you too! “I like WHO I AM on the inside. I am worthy of being loved. And the first person who will love me is ME!” – Sandy Walker

We project a certain vibe to others (unconsciously). If we reject ourselves, we send a message that says, “There’s something wrong with me – you probably won’t like me.” People feel this vibe without realizing it and guess what? They tend to reject you or keep their distance. I’m not kidding – I’ve seen this happen many, many times.

But the opposite is also true – if you like yourself (no, I don’t mean being self-centered – there’s a difference), then you also send an unconscious message to others. It might say something like this, “I like myself. It’s okay to be me. Therefore, it’s okay to be you too.” People are drawn to those who are confident and like themselves. It’s a very attractive quality to have.

So, what are you waiting for? Stop rejecting yourself. If you need help with this, then contact me or read one of my books. I used to suffer from severe self-rejection and I didn’t even realize it. Once I did, I found a way to overcome it. It has made a HUGE difference in my life. I LOVE my life now – I no longer live in fear of being rejected by others. I like who I am and it shows. 🙂

You can be as FREE as ….

Q26 Free as you WANT to be3
“You can be as FREE as you WANT to be. What does that look like for YOU?” – Sandy Walker

What would it look like to be FREE to really be yourself? With no excuses or explanations – just YOU, wonderful, beautiful YOU!

Most people are too afraid to be themselves. I talk to people every day in my coaching practice who tell me they are afraid to be themselves with others. They feel “lost” or like no one loves them – because no one really KNOWS them. And why? Because they won’t let anyone see the real person inside.

You really can be as free as you WANT to be – but it takes work. I know – I’ve done a LOT of that kind of work myself … personally. I used to be terrified to let people see the real me – what if they didn’t like me?

Guess what? It doesn’t matter. What really matters is if YOU like you. Then anyone else’s opinion is just that – THEIR opinion. I trust myself more than I trust anyone else and I like me.

Can you say that about yourself?

If not, contact me. I’ll help you. I’ve been there – I know how miserable it feels to be unknown and to feel unloved. I’ll listen and together we’ll figure out how to overcome the obstacles that prevent you from being known and feeling loved. It’s a LOT easier when you have someone by your side to help you.

Give me a call 305-781-6229. I can work with anyone by phone. Most people experience a significant breakthrough within just 4 sessions. Why not YOU? 🙂

Sandy Walker, Freedom Coach

Sandy Walker, Freedom Coach

Be Authentic – this video will inspire you to be real ♥

Brene Brown is a researcher into what makes people live authentically. She discovered some very important truths. In 2010 she presented the information at a TED Talk called The Power of Vulnerability.

That literally changed her life. She came back 2 years later and spoke again at TED about the impact it had on her life. She is easy to listen to – she’s REAL. If you haven’t watched this video of hers, I highly recommend that you watch it now. If it’s been awhile since you’ve seen it, you owe it to yourself to watch it again. It will remind you how important it is to live authentically – to let your REAL SELF be seen and heard.

I love Brene Brown – she’s a leader in her field. She’s changing the world.

Are you part Betazoid? (Empathic)

Star Trek many years ago added a very unique character to their cast – Deanna Troi. She was described as being from Betazed but she was also half-human (her father was human just like us). They called her a Betazoid (Betazed/humanoid). As a result, she had mostly human qualities except for 1 extraordinary gift – she could sense the emotions of others.

As a result of this special talent, she studied Psychology and became the Ship’s Counselor, an official role on the starship Enterprise.

Star Trek Deanna-Troi

As soon as I was introduced to her character, I was intrigued. She was special – unique. She got this cool purple uniform that set her apart as decidely feminine, compared with the staunch, stiff uniforms the other officers wore. In later episodes her uniform was this distinctive layered teal dress. I wish I had one. 🙂
Star Trek Deanna-Troi2

But what drew my attention and kept it was her special gift of being an “empath” – someone who could feel and identify the emotions of others. She didn’t just mentally assess them like a therapist might. She actually FELT what they were feeling and as a result, she had compassion for them. She had a special insight into people and could connect with them because she knew HOW THEY FELT.

Wow! What a gift! And yet, I’m sure there were days where feeling what others around her were feeling might have gotten a little tiresome or overwhelming, especially when the ship was under attack. They never showed her losing her cool or running away. Maybe her quarters had special “shielding” so she could rest when she needed to.

Here’s the question I have for you today – are you part Betazoid? Do you often sense the emotions of others? Do you seem to have an uncanny ability to anticipate the needs of others? Have you ever been told you are a “mind reader” because you seem to know just what someone likes or needs? Do you tend to have a lot of compassion for others, even strangers?

This is a special gift and I want to highlight it today.

In our Western culture where science is king, we tend to minimize anything we cannot see or touch with our five senses. We downplay that “sixth sense” that we are all born with. Some of us have developed that sixth sense more than others. Some are born with it functioning at a higher level than most.

Helen Keller is quoted as saying, “The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched – they must be felt with the heart.”

This gift of feeling empathy, or feeling others’ feelings, is something to be nurtured and prized. Most who have this gift are not honored for it – instead they are rejected as being “too sensitive” or “difficult” to have around because their sensitivity guides everything they do. They care deeply and they act acordingly.

I know – I am definitely part Betazoid. I FEEL the emotions of those around me – both positive and negative. Yes, it’s a gift, but it has often seemed like a curse. I have to thank Gene Roddenberry for coming up with the character of Deanna Troi because it inspired me that even though I was “different”, it was a good thing. This gift could help others.

Most people have at least a little touch of this “gift”. We call it intuition or having a “gut instinct” about someone or something. Some refer to it as “vibes”. For instance, you can be peacefully minding your own business when suddenly someone walks into the room full of anger or agitation. It “shifts” the atmosphere in the room significantly. We’ve all experienced this before. Studies show that angry people affect those around them without even saying a word. We are all atune to each other’s emotional state whether we are conscious of it or not. Thus the popular family saying, “If momma ain’t happy, nobody’s happy.” meaning that the mom’s emotions affect the entire family’s experience of their home life.

I am highlighting this “gift” today because I often see this struggle in my clients. They are sensitive to others, but they’ve been told they “shouldn’t” be. They sense underlying conflict in a relationship, but they tell themselves they are just “crazy” when in fact, there IS something wrong. They ignore their intuition and later pay the consequences when the “vibes” they got were right and they should have listened to them.

This gift deserves to be validated. Now, that I’ve adjusted my perspective about my own gift, I find that it is a wealth of information that assists me every day. Instead of ignoring it, I act on it and it proves me right over and over. It enables me to be a more caring and compassionate person, a better spouse, a helpful friend. There are many ways this “gift” helps me daily. I encourage you to pay attention to it!

What do you think? Are you part Betazoid? Are you willing to admit your special “gift” exists? Feel free to comment below. You can also contact me privately through my website http://www.destinysfreedom.com. If this is an area you’d like to explore, I’d love to coach you in this gift. It’s really just an added dimension of self-discovery and self-acceptance. ♥

Sandy Walker, Freedom Coach

Sandy Walker, Freedom Coach

Forgiveness sets YOU free – not the other person

Q08 Forgiveness Key

Choosing to Forgive … Unlocks the Cell to the Prison inside your heart – it sets YOU free!

Did you realize that? It’s kind of an oxymoron – it’s counterintuitive. We think that by holding a grudge we are making the other person “pay” for what they did to us. But in reality – they don’t feel a thing! WE are the ones in that prison cell.

Ponder that today ….

What does it look like for YOU to be free?

Free as you WANT to be

“You can be as FREE as you WANT to be. What does that look like for YOU?” – Sandy Walker

I posted this question a few weeks ago – it REALLY resonates with me so I’m posting it again. What DOES it look like for you to be free to be yourself? To love freely? To pursue what’s really in your heart?

What does freedom mean? It means whatever you want it to mean. Free to pursue the life you’ve always dreamed of. What does THAT look like for YOU?

Take time to dream today. And feel free to comment below. I’d love to hear from you! ♥

You are NOT a loser!

This topic keeps coming to my attention – WHY do we reject ourselves? And what can we do about it?

I realized the other day that when people are insecure it’s because they have rejected themselves internally. They think, “I am a loser. I am not worthy to be loved. There’s something really wrong with me.” They may not have those exact thoughts, but the feelings are there in some form.

People who are insecure are afraid to show others who they really are – they are afraid to be honest and authentic because they are afraid they will be rejected by others.

But the truth is, other people do not determine your value or worth. You are deciding to reject yourself based on other people’s reactions to you. This is messed up thinking! [For more on this topic, refer to the post: Stop Rejecting Yourself!]

IT’S TIME TO SHIFT!

YOU are not a loser! YOU are an amazing being! You are created to give and receive love. You are worthy of being loved – just as you are today. Who told you otherwise? Why did you believe them? Why are you continuing to reject your true inner self? Why?

Let’s go over some things you need to do to correct this. On the last post, someone wrote to ask how to stop rejecting herself. I gave a brief reply. Now let’s go into greater detail.

1. Recognize that you are rejecting yourself. The first step is acknowledgment that you are doing it. If you start paying attention, you’ll notice when you are doing this. It is probably so “normal” to you that you may not even recognize it at first. Pay attention to the things you say to yourself internally like “That was stupid!” or other critical remarks.

2. Acknowledge that this is not healthy for you. You deserve to be loved, not rejected.

3. Decide to change. You actually have to DECIDE to change – it doesn’t just happen because you are now aware of it.

4. Acknowledge to your True Self that you realize how much this has hurt you. Get angry at yourself for betraying yourself and letting yourself down. Really – let the feelings out. It might make you cry. You might need to punch something (like a pillow) or write a nasty letter to yourself detailing how much pain this has caused you. Acknowledge it. It’s a BIG deal. You’ve been rejecting yourself a long time so there’s a lot of pain there. It might take some time to process it all – or it might come in “layers” – a little today, a little next week, next month, next year. Deal with it as you see it.

5. Apologize. Yes, I mean say to your True Self, “I’m sorry for ignoring you, rejecting you and neglecting your needs. I’m sorry for hurting you. I’m sorry for hating you at times. It was wrong. Please forgive me.” No, it is not crazy to talk to yourself like this – you had no problem telling yourself you were stupid or fat or other negative things. Now it’s time to apologize. Sincerely apologize.

6. Forgive yourself. Your True Self needs to say, “Yes, you hurt me, but I forgive you. I release you from the harm you caused me and I let it go.” You will be surprised how much freer you will feel after you say this. There might be specific instances you need to remember and specifically forgive. It might take some time – don’t rush it. Go at your own pace. But no matter what – choose to forgive. It’s a choice. It’s not a feeling. It’s an act of your will. Don’t hold a grudge – let it go.

7. Validate yourself. Start paying attention to your good qualities. Make positive comments to yourself – “you did that well”, “I like that outfit on you”, “you’re really a good cook/parent/partner, etc.” Be honest. Recognize what you do well. Once you forgive yourself and stop rejecting yourself, it’s a LOT easier to see your good qualities.

8. Allow your True Self to express itself to others. Start small – your family or closest friends. Be authentic. Be honest about who you are and what you’re doing. You will feel SO MUCH better doing this than you used to. Try it. Be bold!

When you no longer reject yourself, you feel secure. This enables you to share your True Self with others. And you don’t care so much how they react because if they don’t like you, you realize that’s THEIR problem, not yours. [Again, to see more about how this works, read the previous post: Stop Rejecting Yourself! It’s a worth reading.]

Yes, I know it’s easy to just read all these steps. It’s a lot harder to actually DO them. But I’ll be honest and transparent with YOU now – I’ve done these 8 steps. I’m still doing them. I’ve been doing them for years. Once I realized self-rejection was holding me back, I started doing these steps. And you know what? I am so incredibly free now. I am confident. I am happy (most of the time :)). I am not afraid to be myself. People can trust me because they know I am authentic – I’m not fake. This gives them permission to be authentic themselves, if they choose to. It also removes the pressure in my relationships – I’m not asking people to be anything other than themselves. People regularly tell me, “Thanks for letting me be ME.” That’s an awesome compliment to me and I don’t feel like I DID anything. I was just being ME. 🙂

This is probably a lot to digest. But since this topic keeps coming up I figured somebody needs this information – was it you?

I love to help people deal with self-rejection and become self-confident and secure. Feel free to comment below. Or you can contact me privately for coaching through my website www.destinysfreedom.com. I’d LOVE to hear from you! ♥

Sandy Walker, Freedom Coach

Sandy Walker, Freedom Coach

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