This week during the Couples Workshop we discussed the cliché, “Familiarity breeds contempt”. Unfortunately, this is often true when it comes to long-term romantic relationships. They start out full of excitement and energy, but after a while couples can fall into the rut of contempt. Getting to know someone very well in the day-to-day challenges of life can cause you to start noticing all the little things about them that annoy you. If you are not careful, you can allow this annoyance to turn into disrespect. Disrespect, if nurtured by further disappointment and negative thinking, can become full-blown contempt. Once a couple reaches the stage of mutual disrespect and contempt, it is very hard to save the relationship.
What can you do?
You spent a lot of time and energy finding your partner – it’s worth it to invest in keeping the relationship healthy and full of life! The secret is – you get to CHOOSE whether you allow your heart to cultivate contempt or not. Isn’t that surprising? YOU are the only one who determines whether or not you will allow familiarity to breed contempt. It doesn’t have to – it can actually breed the opposite: Admiration and Intimacy.
Action step: If you notice yourself thinking a lot of negative thoughts about the one you love, stop and reconsider. YOU get to choose your own thoughts. Separate in your mind the behavior from the person – too often we jump to conclusions about WHY a person does what they do. You really don’t know and when you jump to conclusions, you tend to pass judgment on them. Don’t do that! Give them the benefit of the doubt – treat them as you would want to be treated. Assume the best, not the worst. Practice gratitude – daily think of things you are grateful for that your partner does. Make a point of telling them what you are grateful for – a partner that feels loved and appreciated will have greater respect and gratitude for YOU. See how that works? You treat them the way you want to be treated and you reap the positivity that you’ve given them. This cultivates intimacy instead of contempt.
If you find yourself struggling with this, contact me. I can help you work through this issue and turn your relationship around! I have tools and techniques that help you “pull your weeds” and plant better seeds to that you can enjoy the fruit of your garden. Having someone help you with this makes it much easier and the work goes much faster!
Faithfulness is one of the fruit of the Spirit. Are you faithful? What does it mean to be faithful?
I was pondering this the other day. Faithfulness can be seen in many ways. It requires honesty and consistency. Faithfulness is an aspect of commitment. When you are faithful, people view you as trustworthy and reliable. Those are really good traits to be known for!
Faithfulness in Marriage
Here’s some examples of faithfulness as it applies in marriage or a committed partnership.
- I will not speak about my partner in a disrespectful or unkind way when I am with others. I will also not allow others to speak about him/her that way in my presence.
- I will reserve intimacy for him/her alone. I will not be involved with someone else in an intimate way emotionally, physically or spiritually. If I see an attractive person, I will not allow my eyes or mind to linger on them. I will guard my affections and my spouse will always be FIRST in my mind and heart.
Faithfulness in Friendship
When you demonstrate faithfulness in friendships, the principles are similar. You guard your connection with that friend and you don’t allow disrespectful or unkind things to be said about them. That doesn’t mean you ignore their negative traits (we all have them!), but the way you speak about them is still respectful and kind – the same way you would want someone to talk about you. When they need your support, you are there for them.
Faithfulness on the Job
Faithfulness as a worker can really help you to be promoted in your business or industry. Managers appreciate those that do what they say they are going to do and do it consistently. They know who they can rely on and those will be the ones who move forward in their career. Even in personal pursuits like playing an instrument, learning a new language or craft, faithfulness really pays off. The more you stick to something, the sooner you see the rewards of your labor.
Who is Faithful to you?
Think of 1 or 2 people who personify “Faithfulness” to you. Pay attention to what they do that gives you the impression that you can count on them. Then begin to act in similar ways.
Faithfulness is a quiet, behind-the-scenes quality that
doesn’t draw a lot of attention,
but in the long run it has GREAT rewards.
Its fruit is very sweet both for you and for others.
Start growing some today!
Look … Listen … LOVE ♥
A gentle reminder – when you look, really look and pay attention to those around you, when you listen, really listen to what they are communicating (sometimes it’s not with words) – that is LOVE.
Pay attention to the human beings around you. Give them your time.
Listen, really listen, to those you love. You can say, “I love you”, but if you’re not listening to them, are you really loving them? Everyone wants to be heard, needs to be heard, deserves to be heard.
Look … Listen … LOVE ♥ – it’s something each of us can do today.
The Secret to Long-Lasting Love – it may surprise you!
Many people focus on love and romance in February – Card, Candy and Flower Companies encourage you to find a way to express your love by buying just the right product. Do you remember what you gave or received last Valentine’s Day? Nope, me neither (sorry, honey). I’m sure it was fitting, romantic and sweet – but unfortunately, it didn’t stick with me (well, except for the extra pounds I probably gained from eating all that chocolate).
Would you like to know one of the secrets to Long-Lasting Love in a romantic relationship? It might surprise you … are you ready for this? Gratitude. Once the initial thrill of “new love” has worn off, you and your partner are now navigating daily life. Our lives get pretty routine and mundane – go to work, pay the bills, eat, sleep, etc. It’s easy (and very human) to pay attention to things that annoy us. It doesn’t take much. Over time, we too easily forget what drew us to this wonderful person we wanted to spend so much time with.
Gratitude reminds you what you love about him or her. When you first met, you couldn’t believe how much they connected with you. The things they said and the topics you talked about were EXACTLY what you needed to hear. You were so thankful to have found them. So what happened? Where’s that spark?
Action step: Gratitude changes your attitude – it really does! Take this challenge: Each day this month think of one thing you are grateful for and send it as a text message to that special someone. If you are not in a romantic relationship, then text it to various close friends or family that you care about. It will definitely change your attitude – you’ll start noticing the POSITIVE things you like about this person. And guess what? They will respond to your outpouring of Love – I promise. It could improve the intimacy in your relationship – you tend to open up to someone who expresses how much they like you! Try it – then tell me how it worked for you. I LOVE to hear stories & I may publish it in the next newsletter.
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