Connected or Disconnected?

A friend of mine was an avid Facebook poster – she would often remark on my posts and “like” my photos. Her posts were encouraging and supportive. I loved seeing her online. She was, like many people today, very involved in her social networks. It helped her stay in touch with friends, especially after the birth of her first child. Anyone who has had a child knows that children have a direct effect on your social life, so Facebook, Pinterest and news sites kept her up to date on what was happening in the world.

A funny thing happened. Just after her son’s first birthday, he started a new behavior. Whenever she would check her phone for updates from Facebook or other sites, he would slap the phone in her hand. At first, she thought it was cute. Until he started doing it every time she picked up her phone. Not yet old enough to communicate with words, he found a way to tell his mom, “It’s time to disconnect.”

She decided Facebook was the biggest culprit. She left a post saying she was going offline and encouraged friends to call her if they wanted to communicate.

This week she said to me in an email, “I have enjoyed my disconnect from Facebook more than I anticipated. I feel more connected to everything by ridding myself of that particular attachment. I have expanded my technological fast to other areas and as a result, I am feeling more connected Spiritually than before.”

That really spoke to me. Are we becoming Disconnected from our true selves (our spirits) by being so connected to technology? What do you think?

Many people report a sense of relief when they are forced to be “technology free” for a day or a weekend. Even those that considered themselves “workaholics”.

Our souls need a break.

My friend continued with a cute anecdote of how her son (LJ) pointed her in the right direction. “I was reading a study about how technology (and our attachment to it) is rewiring the structure of our brains and how we process and perceive information. This scared the hell out of me. As I was sitting there pondering my brain being rewired by my constant need to be on the iPhone, LJ (the current greatest teacher in my life) handed me a novel that I had been meaning to read for years. I was instantly reminded of my love for historical novels and how long it has been since I immersed myself in one. The answer suddenly became clear to me: I need a break.”

Obviously at age one, LJ has no idea what book her handed to her. Was this a “coincidence” or a message for her heart to hear? She took it as a message and it prompted her to even further disconnect in order to Reconnect with her true self.

Ready for the challenge?

If you have the courage or the curiosity, I suggest you try a “technological fast” for 24 hours. Fast as much as you can during that 24 hours – no email, text, Facebook, Internet sites, television, videos, movies, video games, etc. – basically avoid anything with a screen. Remember what the world looks like face-to-face.

You might be refreshingly surprised by how much more you enjoy life – disconnected from distraction and reconnected to your spirit.

How about you? How many times a day do you check your phone for messages? Being constantly connected becomes addictive. Do you think you have what it takes to try the technological fast?

Feel free to comment below. You can contact me privately through my website www.destinysfreedom.com.

Sandy Walker, Freedom Coach

What Lies Do You Believe? Part 3

This is a continuation from a previous post which you can read here (start with Part 1).

In the last post, you read the story of Amanda – an example of how believing a lie can really affect your quality of life.

So what Lies do you believe? Have you been thinking about this?

Here’s a real good indicator that you may believe a lie – look for fear, anxiety, worry or stress. Start with the negative fruit that a lie brings you and you’ll generally be on the right path.

Most of the lies we believe are things we don’t even think about – we just assume our perspective on the world is accurate and we base our decisions on this assumption. Because of this, I’ve discovered (by working with my coaching clients) that we need a way to access these unconscious distortions that does not rely on our ability to identify them.

I’ve developed the following “heart exercise” to help my clients identify lies they believe – specifically about themselves. And it works. People are astounded at the lies they uncover and the truth they receive when they do this exercise. Try it yourself! Then post in the comments what you experienced. I’d love to hear about it.

This exercise and others like it are in my book, Freedom through Forgiveness. You can read an excerpt here – it’s about forgiveness, which is foundational to how/why this exercise “works”. If you are not sure about choosing to forgive, I recommend you read that excerpt first. It makes all the difference.

Step: Lie Detector: Self Concept
Go to a place where you will not be interrupted. Take a few deep breaths, letting them out slowly to help you relax and to quiet your mind.

Say these statements/questions out loud and then wait for an answer. An answer may come as a feeling, a thought, a picture in your mind, a word, a memory or just an inner knowing. You can do this alone or with a friend. If no answer comes to the first question, go to a different step – this may not be the right time for this step.

“Spirit of Truth, is there a lie I believe about myself?” (pause and wait for an answer)

“Who taught me that lie?” (pause and wait for an answer)

“I forgive (name) for teaching me this lie. I forgive myself for receiving this lie and allowing it to influence my thoughts. I release myself from this lie. I give it up and let it go.”

“What truth do I need to hear?” (pause and wait for an answer)

“I receive the truth that (the truth).”

Note: We refer to the “Spirit of Truth” as a means to access the clarity or insight needed. Many people find that this method helps them obtain information that may not be readily available to their conscious mind.

Feel free to comment below. You can contact me privately through my website www.destinysfreedom.com.

Sandy Walker, Freedom Coach

What Lies Do You Believe? Part 2

This is a continuation from the previous post which you can read here (Part 1).

So we all believe lies – we just don’t realize it. Lies have power if you believe them.

Let me give you an example from someone I know personally. Amanda had a good job at a large corporation. In time, she was promoted to a new position. However, in this new position she was required to give presentations before a group of her peers and supervisors periodically. She was terrified of public speaking. This was a big deal to her. Her first presentation left her sweating and miserable! Her stomach was full of butterflies and she was sweating so profusely that she was very embarrassed by how wet her clothes were. It was noticeable to her coworkers and they commented on it.

She seriously considered going back to her old position because she HATED giving presentations. We talked about it. I asked her why she hated it so much. She said, “I don’t want to look like a dork!”

This was an accomplished professional woman – what made her think she would look like a “dork” by giving a presentation? We did one of the “heart exercises” from my book together to find out. She discovered that she developed this fear of public speaking from a distortion she believed about herself – a conclusion she came to in middle school. Can you believe that? She came to a faulty conclusion about herself and about “how life works” when she was 13 years old and it was still holding her back in her thirties!

Yet, no one had ever asked her what she believed about herself. She never even thought about it. It was simply her view of the world and of herself. She assumed she saw things clearly.

That Lie was majorly distorting her ability to do her job and enjoy it. It was creating a LOT of stress for her and making her very anxious. She was miserable – all because of a little lie she believed.

Thankfully, she was ready to give up that lie and find out the truth – which is not always easy, you know? We did the “heart exercise” and she got the truth she needed. The next time she did a presentation, I was eager to hear how it went. She called me as soon as she got back to her desk. She was thrilled! She did her presentation very well without a glitch and she didn’t even sweat a drop!

The Lies you believe about yourself are very powerful – they are also very sneaky. You don’t even realize they are there. And yet they can really wreck your life.

Ready to find out if there are any Lies you believe? If so, stay tuned. I’ll post one of the Lie Detector exercises in the near future – probably this week (go here for Part 3 to read the exercise). There are several Lie Detector exercises – if you want to have access to them all, then check out my book, Freedom through Forgiveness.

Feel free to comment below. You can contact me privately through my website www.destinysfreedom.com.

Sandy Walker, Freedom Coach

What Lies Do You Believe? Part 1

Today’s Truth: Lies only have power if you believe them.

Seems pretty simple, right? Of course, lies only have power if you believe them. The question is – What Lies do YOU believe?

If you are reading this blog, I can assure you that right now you are believing lies. You don’t even realize it. You believe lies about yourself, about your family, about your friends, about your job, about your boss, about your coworkers and even about God.

Wow. How do I know this? Because we all believe distortions of the truth (aka Lies). I’ve never met someone who didn’t believe a lie about themselves and about others. We pick up these distortions throughout our lives – it just happens. It starts with our view of how or why things happen – we begin to form these opinions as a child. Since our reasoning is not yet mature, we come up with all kinds of “mis-truths”. We get a little bit of truth with a little bit of error. When you do that, it becomes a distortion of the truth, an inaccurate view of what is really happening.

The problem is – we don’t realize that our version of reality is somewhat skewed. We never question it. No one asks us about it. It is just the way we see the world.

The problem is – if you believe something that is not true about the world, about yourself, about relationships, about anything – it affects your ability to make good decisions. If your data is bad, your conclusions will be faulty. As a result, your life doesn’t work as it should. There’s unnecessary conflict and stress in your life – all because of those lousy lies you believe.

So how do you find out if you believe any lies?

I have a simple little exercise called the Lie Detector. It’s in my book, Freedom through Forgiveness. I’ll go more into this in a future post. Here it is in a quick summary.
1. You query a source of truth that can verify if what you believe is true or not.
2. You uproot the source of the lie you believe. You shift your thinking about this area.
3. You find out what’s really true and you incorporate it into your thinking.

Seems pretty simple, right? It’s actually a little more challenging than you think it is – especially point 3. This is the point I emphasize the most to my clients because they assume it is easy – until life proves them wrong.

If this topic intrigues you, if you want to get your life on a firmer foundation of reality (versus the Lies you believe), then stay tuned. To continue, go to Part 2.

Feel free to comment below. You can contact me privately through my website www.destinysfreedom.com.

Sandy Walker, Freedom Coach

Overcoming Blocks in Pursuing Your Destiny: Part 2

For those of you who are pressing forward to pursue your destiny or “passionate purpose in life”, here are some pointers of what to do when you encounter a “blockage”. I will post this in parts because it’s a lot to take in.
For those of you just joining us, you can start with Part 1 here.

Last time, we covered Acknowledging and Identifying the Blockage, looking for a Reframe and using Tools to clear the blockage. Today we will continue with:

4. Meditation/Mindfulness – practice this for clarity. Most people I know who successfully follow their destiny have some way to “clear their minds” of all the mental clutter. For some, this is a spiritual practice like meditation or prayer. For others, it is taking deep breaths and being mindful or being fully present. Some of us find this clarity and tranquility while walking on the beach or in the stillness of the woods. Others turn on music that inspires them, that helps them reconnect with their truest self. Whatever works for you, do it.

5. Trust your gut – pay attention, what is it telling you? When there are a lot of emotions involved, sometimes it takes time to “hear” clearly from your gut. Research has shown that there is a very dense concentration of nerves that cover an area of the stomach we refer to as our “gut”. It is almost as complex as the nerves in your brain. Some have said this is your “second brain” to help you make wise decisions. I have a specific exercise to help my clients listen to their gut and identify what it is saying to you. If you need help with this, read this post.

6. Consciously Relinquish Control. Keep telling yourself, “I am not in control. It is what it is. Let it go.” Saying it out loud helps too. Part of following your destiny is realizing you are not in control of the process. When you think you are, you develop a false sense of responsibility – this adds to your stress. Stress blocks you from BEING who you are – which is the key to your destiny. So, avoid stress at all costs. One way to do that is to remind yourself that you are not in control of the process. Destiny is acknowledging and aligning yourself with something greater than yourself. That “Greatness” is in control and you are cooperating with it. Remain mindful of that. It keeps you humble and able to follow, not lead, your destiny.

Which one of these points is hardest for you?

There’s one more part to this 3 part post. It’s coming soon – and it’s got the most important and the most overlooked step. Stay tuned …

Feel free to comment below. You can contact me privately through my website www.destinysfreedom.com.

Sandy Walker, Freedom Coach

What does freedom look like for you?

You CAN be free. That bears repeating. Let me say it again:

YOU CAN BE FREE!

What does that mean?

I don’t know about you but my whole life has been a struggle. Who am I? What am I on earth for? What’s the point?

Why is life so hard? We struggle each day to make it – make money to pay the bills, make things work for our families, keep track of all our responsibilities. It’s a LOT of work, isn’t it?

Doctors say we are all dying of diseases caused from STRESS. You’ve read the statistics. You know what I mean.

So what’s the answer?

The answer is – you can be FREE. When you are free, you don’t stress about much. You feel at peace. You are happy. You actually experience JOY on a daily basis. You have a sense of wonder – a sense of excitement and adventure about your life.

You have a sense of “rightness” about your life. You have passion and purpose each day.

If this seems unattainable to you, then that’s why you are here reading this. Because you need to know that it IS possible to enjoy this kind of freedom.

I never knew you could be THIS free until I started to experience it for myself. No, this is not a sales pitch. This is my reality. I found freedom and I am so excited about it that I can’t keep my mouth shut. I want everyone around me to know this kind of freedom too.

That’s why I blog. That’s why I’ve written two books about freedom. That’s why I’m on Facebook. That’s why I have a website with tools to help you find freedom.

You really CAN be free. Free to enjoy your life. Free to live from a place of passionate pursuit of joy instead of daily struggle to survive. I did the surviving thing for too long – I didn’t know how to be free. Now I do. It’s not complicated, but it does take work. I’m not going to lie to you and say it’s easy. It’s not easy … but it is totally worth it.

Here’s a question for you to ponder: You can be as free as you want to be – what does that look like for you?

Please comment below with your answer. Or you can contact me privately through my website http://www.destinysfreedom.com.

Sandy Walker, Freedom Coach

Is Fear Controlling You?

Is Fear controlling your life – it might be and you don’t even know it!

How do you know when fear is controlling you? Here are some examples:

• You feel intimidated to talk to your boss
• You are afraid to talk to your spouse about something that needs to change
• You feel nervous before you have to give a speech
• You feel inferior when you are with friends or coworkers
• You hesitate from sharing your opinion in group discussions
• You are afraid to speak to someone you don’t know
• You accommodate the wishes of others when you’d rather not
• You don’t know how to say, “No”, when asked to do something
• You feel anxious about whether something bad might happen to you or your loved ones
• You are overly cautious about making plans for the future
• You dread going to work in the morning
• You are uncertain whether things are going to work out for you
• You dread visiting your parents or other relatives
• You worry about the safety of your children
• You feel insecure in a relationship or in a new job
• You are afraid to ask someone out on a date

There are so many ways that fear comes out in our daily lives. We are surrounded by it. The news media uses it to their advantage because what makes us afraid captures our attention, doesn’t it? Look at how many news headlines are meant to instill fear. Here are some examples:

“Police say NJ man kept girlfriend locked in room for years”

“Chinese serial killer shot dead after massive manhunt”

“’Corpse’ floating down river causes scene”

“Record-setting python found in Florida”

“Mysterious radioactive sinkhole in Louisiana”

“Consumer Confidence Improves, but Dark Clouds Loom”

We often don’t admit to ourselves that we are afraid. We deny it or pretend it doesn’t bother us. We might be concerned that if we acknowledged our fears, they would overwhelm us in their intensity. This then becomes a fear of being afraid – a double whammy. So instead we “zone out” and numb ourselves to the underlying fear we have.

Here’s a list of common fears that people have – can you relate to any of these?

• Fear of being alone, fear of abandonment
• Fear of change, fear of not being in control
• Fear of the dark
• Fear of dying, fear of death, fear of pain/illness
• Fear of failure
• Fear of heights, fear of falling, fear of flying
• Fear of intimacy, fear of commitment
• Fear of public speaking
• Fear of rejection
• Fear of spiders, snakes, dogs or other creatures
• Fear of the unknown, fear of the unseen

I hate Fear. Fear is not a friendly foe. Fear causes you to freeze, to feel controlled or manipulated, to be unable to move forward in your life. Fear causes you to hesitate or withdraw. I hate Fear – it is a tormentor from as far back as I can remember.

There is hope though! I don’t want to leave you in despair. Once I made the decision to no longer tolerate Fear in my life, I learned some wonderful things that helped me get rid of it. But first I had to recognize the ways it was holding me back. Then I had to believe there was a better way – that I COULD be free from fear. Finally, I had to get mad and decide to reject its power in my life. That was the most freeing step of all.

I am happy to say that now, I really am pretty fearless. I am confident and at peace most of the time. In fact, sometimes other people are intimidated by me because of my confidence. (It’s funny how that works – people who are less secure are intimidated by confidence.)

I want people to be free of fear because I see how much it hurts them. I know how much it hurt me – until I decided to become free.

So, if you’re curious and you want to find freedom from fear, start paying attention to it in your life. When are you afraid? Admit it. What would you do if you weren’t afraid? Are you ready to do something about it?

If so, I’ve got a simple little exercise on my website that has helped many people find freedom from fear. No, it’s not a “cure all”, but it sure does help. Getting rid of fear is a process and it takes work. It seems we have “layers” of fear – what a concept.

If you’d like help with overcoming your fears, contact me for coaching. I’ll help you. Maybe what I’ve learned can help you and encourage you in your journey. You can contact me through my website http://destinysfreedom.com.

Here’s to your freedom!

 

Destiny’s Freedom

I like the concept of “Destiny’s freedom”. I know sometimes I get puzzled looks when I say that. Let me explain.

When you know your Destiny, when you are actually living it out, there is tremendous freedom that comes with that. Freedom from worry about what others think, about how people will react to you, about whether or not you are “making” it. Freedom from trying to meet other people’s expectations of what you should be doing with your life – especially that nagging guilt that you should be doing MORE than you already are. All of that is GONE. Truly. Destiny brings that freedom.

I LOVE freedom. Let me say that again – I LOVE FREEDOM!! I hate to be controlled by anything or anyone, don’t you? If you feel controlled by a person, by a situation or by pressure to conform to society, you don’t feel FREE. You feel “stuck”, you feel confined to meet a certain standard or requirement, you feel disconnected from your heart. And overall, you tend to lose the joy and sense of purpose that life should have. Many people even lose themselves – they try so hard to please everyone else and in the process they no longer know who THEY are. I’ve seen it happen so many times. If that sounds like you, you might want to contact me. I offer private coaching, one-on-one, in person or over the phone, to help you rediscover who you are. It’s really not as hard as you think it might be. But it takes honesty and a willingness to admit where you are and how you got there. Not everyone can do that. But those that can benefit greatly. They are never the same. I’ve never had someone tell me that they regretted finding themselves.

When you know your Destiny, so much stress just dissipates. You feel at peace. Joy spontaneous bubbles up like it did when you were a toddler. The simplest thing can make you smile. And you know what? When you wake up, you are excited about the day! You can’t wait to go out there and enjoy life.

When you are living out your Destiny, the right people are drawn to you. Your relationships become a source of strength instead of draining your energy. Creativity tends to flow – even if you are not generally a creative person. I can’t explain it – it just happens. 🙂

So how do you find your Destiny? What does that look like? For that, you’ll have to stay posted. I may blog on that in the near future (maybe even tomorrow). In the meantime, contact me if this topic stirs your heart. It might be your time to go after this – to pursue finding your Destiny. I can help. I’ve helped lots of people in this area.

Feel free to post your comments and I’ll reply. To contact me privately, you can go to my website.

Destiny – what is it?

I’ve been thinking a lot about Destiny lately – it seems that many folks don’t know what it is. Since I’ve spent considerable time pondering this topic over the years, I’d like to share my perspective … what works for me in understanding Destiny. I use this concept with my clients when I do Freedom Coaching (see www.destinysfreedom.com for more info on that) so I’ve become pretty fluent in the discussion of this topic.

The way I see it is this: Fate is what happens to you, Destiny is how you respond. There are many, many things over which you have no control. This is usually a really hard thing for most people to recognize and admit. It’s a bit of an existential moment when I ask someone to list for me the things they have control over. Go ahead – do it yourself. Start thinking – What do I have control over? It’s a pretty short list.

For example, you did not control where you were born, the family you were born into, the DNA that determines your height, eye color, etc. You had very little control over the type of childhood you had because for the most part you were powerless, right? As children we can’t wait to grow up because we think adults have all the power – they tell us what to do, so they must have power, right? But then you finally become an adult and you STILL have so little control over your life. For some, this is a scary thought.

However, if you’ll stay with me, there IS light at the end of the tunnel. Freedom comes when you realize that if you can’t control something, you are not responsible for it either. Whew! Take off a load of that false responsibility you’ve been carrying! Most of us assume responsibility for much more than we actually have control over – this is often what creates stress in our lives.

Do you have control over your partner’s actions? Your children’s choices? Your boss’s decisions? No, no and never. So much of what happens to us is beyond our control, but that’s okay because then we are not responsible for it either. You can only be responsible for what you can control – anything more than that is insanity. Yet without realizing it most of us are in an unconscious power struggle with life over this simple thing called Control.

So how does this relate to Destiny? When you are clear on your Destiny, you do not worry about what you can’t control. You simply focus on how you want to respond to what happens to you each day. Walking in your Destiny means being intentional in your everyday choices. It is a very refreshing, stress reducing practice to focus daily on what you CAN control instead of worrying over what you can’t control. This is part of the secret of finding fulfillment in life.

Begin to pay attention each day to what you truly have control over … and then release those things that are beyond your control. You can choose your attitude, your tone of voice, whether or not you smile today, things like that. You can’t control someone else’s reaction to you, what’s going to be said about you at work or among your friends and you certainly can’t control another person’s choices or attitude. Let it go. There’s tremendous freedom in surrender – just let it go.

I hope this has brought a little bit of light to this topic today. Feel free to comment below. You can contact me privately through my website www.destinysfreedom.com.

Enjoy the day!