Are you really in control?

Take a minute and quickly list 5 things you are in complete control of in your life. No, really – just do it. What comes to mind?

My job – are you in control of how much money you make? who you work with? the amount of time you spend working? whether or not you work there?

My time – did you control what time you got up this morning? how much time you spent in traffic? whether or not you took time to brush your teeth?

My family – are you in control of the choices your children make? how about your spouse’s actions? your parents, siblings or in-laws’ behavior?

The reason I am asking you to list things over which you have complete control is to help you see that VERY LITTLE is really under your control. This is actually GOOD news! Why? Because you are not responsible for things over which you have no control. Did you know that? It makes sense when you think about it. You can only be held responsible for things over which you have control.

Why do we spend so much time worrying about things over which we don’t have control?

Action step: You can reduce your stress significantly by asking yourself this question whenever you find yourself worrying or thinking about something over and over: What do I actually have control over in this situation? Then focus on the choices YOU can make – the ones you have control over. The rest of it – let it GO! Worrying saps your mental and emotional strength. Focusing on what you CAN control is empowering and gives you peace.

Here are some things you can control:

• how you use your free time
• what you allow your mind to focus on
• how you respond to others
• the words that come out of your mouth
• your attitude (yes, that’s a choice, believe it or not)
• your values and how that drives your behavior

Many of my clients experience a significant shift in their level of stress when they practice this little exercise regularly. Stop and assess each situation and then choose to put your energy where it can best be used – on YOU.

Who’s in control here?

Who’s in control here? You or Me? – God

Just a little reminder to surrender control of the new year to the Higher Power who brings order to the Universe we know. The more we try to grasp for control, the more anxious we become. The more anxious we are, the less we enjoy life. The less we enjoy life, the more miserable we are – and we tend to affect all those around us as well. We also don’t sleep well and don’t make wise decisions when we are anxious.

So, just give it up already! Surrendering control to something bigger than you is incredibly freeing! It brings tremendous peace and joy – when you just let go. Try it! ♥

LET GO OR BE DRAGGED

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LET GO OR BE DRAGGED

Need I say more? It’s all about control ….
Just let go. Your heart will thank you! ♥

Overcoming Blocks in Pursuing Your Destiny: Part 2

For those of you who are pressing forward to pursue your destiny or “passionate purpose in life”, here are some pointers of what to do when you encounter a “blockage”. I will post this in parts because it’s a lot to take in.
For those of you just joining us, you can start with Part 1 here.

Last time, we covered Acknowledging and Identifying the Blockage, looking for a Reframe and using Tools to clear the blockage. Today we will continue with:

4. Meditation/Mindfulness – practice this for clarity. Most people I know who successfully follow their destiny have some way to “clear their minds” of all the mental clutter. For some, this is a spiritual practice like meditation or prayer. For others, it is taking deep breaths and being mindful or being fully present. Some of us find this clarity and tranquility while walking on the beach or in the stillness of the woods. Others turn on music that inspires them, that helps them reconnect with their truest self. Whatever works for you, do it.

5. Trust your gut – pay attention, what is it telling you? When there are a lot of emotions involved, sometimes it takes time to “hear” clearly from your gut. Research has shown that there is a very dense concentration of nerves that cover an area of the stomach we refer to as our “gut”. It is almost as complex as the nerves in your brain. Some have said this is your “second brain” to help you make wise decisions. I have a specific exercise to help my clients listen to their gut and identify what it is saying to you. If you need help with this, read this post.

6. Consciously Relinquish Control. Keep telling yourself, “I am not in control. It is what it is. Let it go.” Saying it out loud helps too. Part of following your destiny is realizing you are not in control of the process. When you think you are, you develop a false sense of responsibility – this adds to your stress. Stress blocks you from BEING who you are – which is the key to your destiny. So, avoid stress at all costs. One way to do that is to remind yourself that you are not in control of the process. Destiny is acknowledging and aligning yourself with something greater than yourself. That “Greatness” is in control and you are cooperating with it. Remain mindful of that. It keeps you humble and able to follow, not lead, your destiny.

Which one of these points is hardest for you?

There’s one more part to this 3 part post. It’s coming soon – and it’s got the most important and the most overlooked step. Stay tuned …

Feel free to comment below. You can contact me privately through my website www.destinysfreedom.com.

Sandy Walker, Freedom Coach

Destiny’s Freedom

I like the concept of “Destiny’s freedom”. I know sometimes I get puzzled looks when I say that. Let me explain.

When you know your Destiny, when you are actually living it out, there is tremendous freedom that comes with that. Freedom from worry about what others think, about how people will react to you, about whether or not you are “making” it. Freedom from trying to meet other people’s expectations of what you should be doing with your life – especially that nagging guilt that you should be doing MORE than you already are. All of that is GONE. Truly. Destiny brings that freedom.

I LOVE freedom. Let me say that again – I LOVE FREEDOM!! I hate to be controlled by anything or anyone, don’t you? If you feel controlled by a person, by a situation or by pressure to conform to society, you don’t feel FREE. You feel “stuck”, you feel confined to meet a certain standard or requirement, you feel disconnected from your heart. And overall, you tend to lose the joy and sense of purpose that life should have. Many people even lose themselves – they try so hard to please everyone else and in the process they no longer know who THEY are. I’ve seen it happen so many times. If that sounds like you, you might want to contact me. I offer private coaching, one-on-one, in person or over the phone, to help you rediscover who you are. It’s really not as hard as you think it might be. But it takes honesty and a willingness to admit where you are and how you got there. Not everyone can do that. But those that can benefit greatly. They are never the same. I’ve never had someone tell me that they regretted finding themselves.

When you know your Destiny, so much stress just dissipates. You feel at peace. Joy spontaneous bubbles up like it did when you were a toddler. The simplest thing can make you smile. And you know what? When you wake up, you are excited about the day! You can’t wait to go out there and enjoy life.

When you are living out your Destiny, the right people are drawn to you. Your relationships become a source of strength instead of draining your energy. Creativity tends to flow – even if you are not generally a creative person. I can’t explain it – it just happens. 🙂

So how do you find your Destiny? What does that look like? For that, you’ll have to stay posted. I may blog on that in the near future (maybe even tomorrow). In the meantime, contact me if this topic stirs your heart. It might be your time to go after this – to pursue finding your Destiny. I can help. I’ve helped lots of people in this area.

Feel free to post your comments and I’ll reply. To contact me privately, you can go to my website.

Destiny – what is it?

I’ve been thinking a lot about Destiny lately – it seems that many folks don’t know what it is. Since I’ve spent considerable time pondering this topic over the years, I’d like to share my perspective … what works for me in understanding Destiny. I use this concept with my clients when I do Freedom Coaching (see www.destinysfreedom.com for more info on that) so I’ve become pretty fluent in the discussion of this topic.

The way I see it is this: Fate is what happens to you, Destiny is how you respond. There are many, many things over which you have no control. This is usually a really hard thing for most people to recognize and admit. It’s a bit of an existential moment when I ask someone to list for me the things they have control over. Go ahead – do it yourself. Start thinking – What do I have control over? It’s a pretty short list.

For example, you did not control where you were born, the family you were born into, the DNA that determines your height, eye color, etc. You had very little control over the type of childhood you had because for the most part you were powerless, right? As children we can’t wait to grow up because we think adults have all the power – they tell us what to do, so they must have power, right? But then you finally become an adult and you STILL have so little control over your life. For some, this is a scary thought.

However, if you’ll stay with me, there IS light at the end of the tunnel. Freedom comes when you realize that if you can’t control something, you are not responsible for it either. Whew! Take off a load of that false responsibility you’ve been carrying! Most of us assume responsibility for much more than we actually have control over – this is often what creates stress in our lives.

Do you have control over your partner’s actions? Your children’s choices? Your boss’s decisions? No, no and never. So much of what happens to us is beyond our control, but that’s okay because then we are not responsible for it either. You can only be responsible for what you can control – anything more than that is insanity. Yet without realizing it most of us are in an unconscious power struggle with life over this simple thing called Control.

So how does this relate to Destiny? When you are clear on your Destiny, you do not worry about what you can’t control. You simply focus on how you want to respond to what happens to you each day. Walking in your Destiny means being intentional in your everyday choices. It is a very refreshing, stress reducing practice to focus daily on what you CAN control instead of worrying over what you can’t control. This is part of the secret of finding fulfillment in life.

Begin to pay attention each day to what you truly have control over … and then release those things that are beyond your control. You can choose your attitude, your tone of voice, whether or not you smile today, things like that. You can’t control someone else’s reaction to you, what’s going to be said about you at work or among your friends and you certainly can’t control another person’s choices or attitude. Let it go. There’s tremendous freedom in surrender – just let it go.

I hope this has brought a little bit of light to this topic today. Feel free to comment below. You can contact me privately through my website www.destinysfreedom.com.

Enjoy the day!