This topic keeps coming to my attention – WHY do we reject ourselves? And what can we do about it?
I realized the other day that when people are insecure it’s because they have rejected themselves internally. They think, “I am a loser. I am not worthy to be loved. There’s something really wrong with me.” They may not have those exact thoughts, but the feelings are there in some form.
People who are insecure are afraid to show others who they really are – they are afraid to be honest and authentic because they are afraid they will be rejected by others.
But the truth is, other people do not determine your value or worth. You are deciding to reject yourself based on other people’s reactions to you. This is messed up thinking! [For more on this topic, refer to the post: Stop Rejecting Yourself!]
IT’S TIME TO SHIFT!
YOU are not a loser! YOU are an amazing being! You are created to give and receive love. You are worthy of being loved – just as you are today. Who told you otherwise? Why did you believe them? Why are you continuing to reject your true inner self? Why?
Let’s go over some things you need to do to correct this. On the last post, someone wrote to ask how to stop rejecting herself. I gave a brief reply. Now let’s go into greater detail.
1. Recognize that you are rejecting yourself. The first step is acknowledgment that you are doing it. If you start paying attention, you’ll notice when you are doing this. It is probably so “normal” to you that you may not even recognize it at first. Pay attention to the things you say to yourself internally like “That was stupid!” or other critical remarks.
2. Acknowledge that this is not healthy for you. You deserve to be loved, not rejected.
3. Decide to change. You actually have to DECIDE to change – it doesn’t just happen because you are now aware of it.
4. Acknowledge to your True Self that you realize how much this has hurt you. Get angry at yourself for betraying yourself and letting yourself down. Really – let the feelings out. It might make you cry. You might need to punch something (like a pillow) or write a nasty letter to yourself detailing how much pain this has caused you. Acknowledge it. It’s a BIG deal. You’ve been rejecting yourself a long time so there’s a lot of pain there. It might take some time to process it all – or it might come in “layers” – a little today, a little next week, next month, next year. Deal with it as you see it.
5. Apologize. Yes, I mean say to your True Self, “I’m sorry for ignoring you, rejecting you and neglecting your needs. I’m sorry for hurting you. I’m sorry for hating you at times. It was wrong. Please forgive me.” No, it is not crazy to talk to yourself like this – you had no problem telling yourself you were stupid or fat or other negative things. Now it’s time to apologize. Sincerely apologize.
6. Forgive yourself. Your True Self needs to say, “Yes, you hurt me, but I forgive you. I release you from the harm you caused me and I let it go.” You will be surprised how much freer you will feel after you say this. There might be specific instances you need to remember and specifically forgive. It might take some time – don’t rush it. Go at your own pace. But no matter what – choose to forgive. It’s a choice. It’s not a feeling. It’s an act of your will. Don’t hold a grudge – let it go.
7. Validate yourself. Start paying attention to your good qualities. Make positive comments to yourself – “you did that well”, “I like that outfit on you”, “you’re really a good cook/parent/partner, etc.” Be honest. Recognize what you do well. Once you forgive yourself and stop rejecting yourself, it’s a LOT easier to see your good qualities.
8. Allow your True Self to express itself to others. Start small – your family or closest friends. Be authentic. Be honest about who you are and what you’re doing. You will feel SO MUCH better doing this than you used to. Try it. Be bold!
When you no longer reject yourself, you feel secure. This enables you to share your True Self with others. And you don’t care so much how they react because if they don’t like you, you realize that’s THEIR problem, not yours. [Again, to see more about how this works, read the previous post: Stop Rejecting Yourself! It’s a worth reading.]
Yes, I know it’s easy to just read all these steps. It’s a lot harder to actually DO them. But I’ll be honest and transparent with YOU now – I’ve done these 8 steps. I’m still doing them. I’ve been doing them for years. Once I realized self-rejection was holding me back, I started doing these steps. And you know what? I am so incredibly free now. I am confident. I am happy (most of the time :)). I am not afraid to be myself. People can trust me because they know I am authentic – I’m not fake. This gives them permission to be authentic themselves, if they choose to. It also removes the pressure in my relationships – I’m not asking people to be anything other than themselves. People regularly tell me, “Thanks for letting me be ME.” That’s an awesome compliment to me and I don’t feel like I DID anything. I was just being ME. 🙂
This is probably a lot to digest. But since this topic keeps coming up I figured somebody needs this information – was it you?
I love to help people deal with self-rejection and become self-confident and secure. Feel free to comment below. Or you can contact me privately for coaching through my website www.destinysfreedom.com. I’d LOVE to hear from you! ♥
Sandy Walker, Freedom Coach