Fear is a WIMP!

Fear is a WIMP! Refuse to let it push YOU around!

Most people are amazed that Fear is actually very easy to overcome. It feels so paralyzing when it has you in its clutches. But the surprise is – when you confront your fear, it turns out to be a wimp! It doesn’t have any substance. See my previous post about this.

Most of what we fear or worry about never comes to pass.

Try it – confront a fear you have and see if it sticks around. Just like a bully, once you look Fear in the face and say, “Leave me alone!” with authority in your voice, it will back off. Fear is afraid to be challenged – it’s greatest power is in deceiving you into thinking it has more power than it really does.

Stand up to Fear – don’t let it push you around!

Listen to your heart

Listen to your heart

What does that mean?

It means pay attention when your insides are telling you something. It means not denying how you feel about a person or a situation. It means learning to trust that inner voice, that inner self’s intuition, about people, places and things.

It really makes a big difference in your life whether or not you are listening to your heart.

Those that don’t will suffer. They drown out that inner voice with alcohol, with work, or even with mindless activity like watching tv or surfing the internet. Anything to stay busy, to stay distracted so that they don’t have to pay attention to their thoughts.

And yet, if they would slow down long enough to listen, they might just be surprised by what they hear. It can open new doors. It can reveal truth you really need to hear. It can lead you to the right path, the right job, the right person for your life.

Why DON’T you listen to your heart?

Many of my clients come to me because something is stirring them to listen … but they have forgotten how. Or they doubt what they are hearing and they need someone to help them sort out the conflicting emotions that listening sometimes brings up.

I LOVE to help people listen to their heart. It brings such clarity of purpose and focus to their lives. Your heart can connect you to wellspring of peace and joy. But you have to start with LISTENING … listening closely.

If this is something you’d like some help with, let me know. You can contact me privately through my website www.destinysfreedom.com.

Sandy Walker, Freedom Coach

Are you part Betazoid? (Empathic)

Star Trek many years ago added a very unique character to their cast – Deanna Troi. She was described as being from Betazed but she was also half-human (her father was human just like us). They called her a Betazoid (Betazed/humanoid). As a result, she had mostly human qualities except for 1 extraordinary gift – she could sense the emotions of others.

As a result of this special talent, she studied Psychology and became the Ship’s Counselor, an official role on the starship Enterprise.

As soon as I was introduced to her character, I was intrigued. She was special – unique. She got this cool purple uniform that set her apart as decidely feminine, compared with the staunch, stiff uniforms the other officers wore. In later episodes her uniform was this distinctive layered teal dress. I wish I had one. 🙂

But what drew my attention and kept it was her special gift of being an “empath” – someone who could feel and identify the emotions of others. She didn’t just mentally assess them like a therapist might. She actually FELT what they were feeling and as a result, she had compassion for them. She had a special insight into people and could connect with them because she knew HOW THEY FELT.

Wow! What a gift! And yet, I’m sure there were days where feeling what others around her were feeling might have gotten a little tiresome or overwhelming, especially when the ship was under attack. They never showed her losing her cool or running away. Maybe her quarters had special “shielding” so she could rest when she needed to.

Here’s the question I have for you today – are you part Betazoid? Do you often sense the emotions of others? Do you seem to have an uncanny ability to anticipate the needs of others? Have you ever been told you are a “mind reader” because you seem to know just what someone likes or needs? Do you tend to have a lot of compassion for others, even strangers?

This is a special gift and I want to highlight it today.

In our Western culture where science is king, we tend to minimize anything we cannot see or touch with our five senses. We downplay that “sixth sense” that we are all born with. Some of us have developed that sixth sense more than others. Some are born with it functioning at a higher level than most.

Helen Keller is quoted as saying, “The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched – they must be felt with the heart.”

This gift of feeling empathy, or feeling others’ feelings, is something to be nurtured and prized. Most who have this gift are not honored for it – instead they are rejected as being “too sensitive” or “difficult” to have around because their sensitivity guides everything they do. They care deeply and they act acordingly.

I know – I am definitely part Betazoid. I FEEL the emotions of those around me – both positive and negative. Yes, it’s a gift, but it has often seemed like a curse. I have to thank Gene Roddenberry for coming up with the character of Deanna Troi because it inspired me that even though I was “different”, it was a good thing. This gift could help others.

Most people have at least a little touch of this “gift”. We call it intuition or having a “gut instinct” about someone or something. Some refer to it as “vibes”. For instance, you can be peacefully minding your own business when suddenly someone walks into the room full of anger or agitation. It “shifts” the atmosphere in the room significantly. We’ve all experienced this before. Studies show that angry people affect those around them without even saying a word. We are all atune to each other’s emotional state whether we are conscious of it or not. Thus the popular family saying, “If momma ain’t happy, nobody’s happy.” meaning that the mom’s emotions affect the entire family’s experience of their home life.

I am highlighting this “gift” today because I often see this struggle in my clients. They are sensitive to others, but they’ve been told they “shouldn’t” be. They sense underlying conflict in a relationship, but they tell themselves they are just “crazy” when in fact, there IS something wrong. They ignore their intuition and later pay the consequences when the “vibes” they got were right and they should have listened to them.

This gift deserves to be validated. Now, that I’ve adjusted my perspective about my own gift, I find that it is a wealth of information that assists me every day. Instead of ignoring it, I act on it and it proves me right over and over. It enables me to be a more caring and compassionate person, a better spouse, a helpful friend. There are many ways this “gift” helps me daily. I encourage you to pay attention to it!

What do you think? Are you part Betazoid? Are you willing to admit your special “gift” exists? Feel free to comment below. You can also contact me privately through my website http://www.destinysfreedom.com. If this is an area you’d like to explore, I’d love to coach you in this gift. It’s really just an added dimension of self-discovery and self-acceptance. ♥

Sandy Walker, Freedom Coach

Follow your heart

Follow your heart

You are NOT a loser!

This topic keeps coming to my attention – WHY do we reject ourselves? And what can we do about it?

I realized the other day that when people are insecure it’s because they have rejected themselves internally. They think, “I am a loser. I am not worthy to be loved. There’s something really wrong with me.” They may not have those exact thoughts, but the feelings are there in some form.

People who are insecure are afraid to show others who they really are – they are afraid to be honest and authentic because they are afraid they will be rejected by others.

But the truth is, other people do not determine your value or worth. You are deciding to reject yourself based on other people’s reactions to you. This is messed up thinking! [For more on this topic, refer to the post: Stop Rejecting Yourself!]

IT’S TIME TO SHIFT!

YOU are not a loser! YOU are an amazing being! You are created to give and receive love. You are worthy of being loved – just as you are today. Who told you otherwise? Why did you believe them? Why are you continuing to reject your true inner self? Why?

Let’s go over some things you need to do to correct this. On the last post, someone wrote to ask how to stop rejecting herself. I gave a brief reply. Now let’s go into greater detail.

1. Recognize that you are rejecting yourself. The first step is acknowledgment that you are doing it. If you start paying attention, you’ll notice when you are doing this. It is probably so “normal” to you that you may not even recognize it at first. Pay attention to the things you say to yourself internally like “That was stupid!” or other critical remarks.

2. Acknowledge that this is not healthy for you. You deserve to be loved, not rejected.

3. Decide to change. You actually have to DECIDE to change – it doesn’t just happen because you are now aware of it.

4. Acknowledge to your True Self that you realize how much this has hurt you. Get angry at yourself for betraying yourself and letting yourself down. Really – let the feelings out. It might make you cry. You might need to punch something (like a pillow) or write a nasty letter to yourself detailing how much pain this has caused you. Acknowledge it. It’s a BIG deal. You’ve been rejecting yourself a long time so there’s a lot of pain there. It might take some time to process it all – or it might come in “layers” – a little today, a little next week, next month, next year. Deal with it as you see it.

5. Apologize. Yes, I mean say to your True Self, “I’m sorry for ignoring you, rejecting you and neglecting your needs. I’m sorry for hurting you. I’m sorry for hating you at times. It was wrong. Please forgive me.” No, it is not crazy to talk to yourself like this – you had no problem telling yourself you were stupid or fat or other negative things. Now it’s time to apologize. Sincerely apologize.

6. Forgive yourself. Your True Self needs to say, “Yes, you hurt me, but I forgive you. I release you from the harm you caused me and I let it go.” You will be surprised how much freer you will feel after you say this. There might be specific instances you need to remember and specifically forgive. It might take some time – don’t rush it. Go at your own pace. But no matter what – choose to forgive. It’s a choice. It’s not a feeling. It’s an act of your will. Don’t hold a grudge – let it go.

7. Validate yourself. Start paying attention to your good qualities. Make positive comments to yourself – “you did that well”, “I like that outfit on you”, “you’re really a good cook/parent/partner, etc.” Be honest. Recognize what you do well. Once you forgive yourself and stop rejecting yourself, it’s a LOT easier to see your good qualities.

8. Allow your True Self to express itself to others. Start small – your family or closest friends. Be authentic. Be honest about who you are and what you’re doing. You will feel SO MUCH better doing this than you used to. Try it. Be bold!

When you no longer reject yourself, you feel secure. This enables you to share your True Self with others. And you don’t care so much how they react because if they don’t like you, you realize that’s THEIR problem, not yours. [Again, to see more about how this works, read the previous post: Stop Rejecting Yourself! It’s a worth reading.]

Yes, I know it’s easy to just read all these steps. It’s a lot harder to actually DO them. But I’ll be honest and transparent with YOU now – I’ve done these 8 steps. I’m still doing them. I’ve been doing them for years. Once I realized self-rejection was holding me back, I started doing these steps. And you know what? I am so incredibly free now. I am confident. I am happy (most of the time :)). I am not afraid to be myself. People can trust me because they know I am authentic – I’m not fake. This gives them permission to be authentic themselves, if they choose to. It also removes the pressure in my relationships – I’m not asking people to be anything other than themselves. People regularly tell me, “Thanks for letting me be ME.” That’s an awesome compliment to me and I don’t feel like I DID anything. I was just being ME. 🙂

This is probably a lot to digest. But since this topic keeps coming up I figured somebody needs this information – was it you?

I love to help people deal with self-rejection and become self-confident and secure. Feel free to comment below. Or you can contact me privately for coaching through my website www.destinysfreedom.com. I’d LOVE to hear from you! ♥

Sandy Walker, Freedom Coach

Overcome Your Biggest Obstacle – Yourself!

I was invited to be a guest blogger by Tara Husband over at Edgy Social Media. She asked me to write a post aimed at creative types – artists, entrepreneurs, musicians, etc. Here’s the beginning of the article – click the link to read the rest.

Enjoy!

Overcome Your Biggest Obstacle – Yourself!

Do you know you can have the best, most creative ideas for business and yet sabotage them by what you say to yourself? You can be a brilliant artist, songwriter, musician or entrepreneur and yet be locked in a daily battle of fear and insecurity. You may have been told in the past that you weren’t that smart or talented or you didn’t quite “fit in”. Guess what? You BELIEVED it! That’s what is holding you back from pursuing your destiny, from entering “the zone”, from discovering that next big money-making idea.

To continue reading – click here.

Feel free to comment below. You can contact me privately through my website http://www.destinysfreedom.com.

Sandy Walker, Freedom Coach

What Lies Do You Believe? Part 2

This is a continuation from the previous post which you can read here (Part 1).

So we all believe lies – we just don’t realize it. Lies have power if you believe them.

Let me give you an example from someone I know personally. Amanda had a good job at a large corporation. In time, she was promoted to a new position. However, in this new position she was required to give presentations before a group of her peers and supervisors periodically. She was terrified of public speaking. This was a big deal to her. Her first presentation left her sweating and miserable! Her stomach was full of butterflies and she was sweating so profusely that she was very embarrassed by how wet her clothes were. It was noticeable to her coworkers and they commented on it.

She seriously considered going back to her old position because she HATED giving presentations. We talked about it. I asked her why she hated it so much. She said, “I don’t want to look like a dork!”

This was an accomplished professional woman – what made her think she would look like a “dork” by giving a presentation? We did one of the “heart exercises” from my book together to find out. She discovered that she developed this fear of public speaking from a distortion she believed about herself – a conclusion she came to in middle school. Can you believe that? She came to a faulty conclusion about herself and about “how life works” when she was 13 years old and it was still holding her back in her thirties!

Yet, no one had ever asked her what she believed about herself. She never even thought about it. It was simply her view of the world and of herself. She assumed she saw things clearly.

That Lie was majorly distorting her ability to do her job and enjoy it. It was creating a LOT of stress for her and making her very anxious. She was miserable – all because of a little lie she believed.

Thankfully, she was ready to give up that lie and find out the truth – which is not always easy, you know? We did the “heart exercise” and she got the truth she needed. The next time she did a presentation, I was eager to hear how it went. She called me as soon as she got back to her desk. She was thrilled! She did her presentation very well without a glitch and she didn’t even sweat a drop!

The Lies you believe about yourself are very powerful – they are also very sneaky. You don’t even realize they are there. And yet they can really wreck your life.

Ready to find out if there are any Lies you believe? If so, stay tuned. I’ll post one of the Lie Detector exercises in the near future – probably this week (go here for Part 3 to read the exercise). There are several Lie Detector exercises – if you want to have access to them all, then check out my book, Freedom through Forgiveness.

Feel free to comment below. You can contact me privately through my website www.destinysfreedom.com.

Sandy Walker, Freedom Coach

Is Fear Controlling You?

Is Fear controlling your life – it might be and you don’t even know it!

How do you know when fear is controlling you? Here are some examples:

• You feel intimidated to talk to your boss
• You are afraid to talk to your spouse about something that needs to change
• You feel nervous before you have to give a speech
• You feel inferior when you are with friends or coworkers
• You hesitate from sharing your opinion in group discussions
• You are afraid to speak to someone you don’t know
• You accommodate the wishes of others when you’d rather not
• You don’t know how to say, “No”, when asked to do something
• You feel anxious about whether something bad might happen to you or your loved ones
• You are overly cautious about making plans for the future
• You dread going to work in the morning
• You are uncertain whether things are going to work out for you
• You dread visiting your parents or other relatives
• You worry about the safety of your children
• You feel insecure in a relationship or in a new job
• You are afraid to ask someone out on a date

There are so many ways that fear comes out in our daily lives. We are surrounded by it. The news media uses it to their advantage because what makes us afraid captures our attention, doesn’t it? Look at how many news headlines are meant to instill fear. Here are some examples:

“Police say NJ man kept girlfriend locked in room for years”

“Chinese serial killer shot dead after massive manhunt”

“’Corpse’ floating down river causes scene”

“Record-setting python found in Florida”

“Mysterious radioactive sinkhole in Louisiana”

“Consumer Confidence Improves, but Dark Clouds Loom”

We often don’t admit to ourselves that we are afraid. We deny it or pretend it doesn’t bother us. We might be concerned that if we acknowledged our fears, they would overwhelm us in their intensity. This then becomes a fear of being afraid – a double whammy. So instead we “zone out” and numb ourselves to the underlying fear we have.

Here’s a list of common fears that people have – can you relate to any of these?

• Fear of being alone, fear of abandonment
• Fear of change, fear of not being in control
• Fear of the dark
• Fear of dying, fear of death, fear of pain/illness
• Fear of failure
• Fear of heights, fear of falling, fear of flying
• Fear of intimacy, fear of commitment
• Fear of public speaking
• Fear of rejection
• Fear of spiders, snakes, dogs or other creatures
• Fear of the unknown, fear of the unseen

I hate Fear. Fear is not a friendly foe. Fear causes you to freeze, to feel controlled or manipulated, to be unable to move forward in your life. Fear causes you to hesitate or withdraw. I hate Fear – it is a tormentor from as far back as I can remember.

There is hope though! I don’t want to leave you in despair. Once I made the decision to no longer tolerate Fear in my life, I learned some wonderful things that helped me get rid of it. But first I had to recognize the ways it was holding me back. Then I had to believe there was a better way – that I COULD be free from fear. Finally, I had to get mad and decide to reject its power in my life. That was the most freeing step of all.

I am happy to say that now, I really am pretty fearless. I am confident and at peace most of the time. In fact, sometimes other people are intimidated by me because of my confidence. (It’s funny how that works – people who are less secure are intimidated by confidence.)

I want people to be free of fear because I see how much it hurts them. I know how much it hurt me – until I decided to become free.

So, if you’re curious and you want to find freedom from fear, start paying attention to it in your life. When are you afraid? Admit it. What would you do if you weren’t afraid? Are you ready to do something about it?

If so, I’ve got a simple little exercise on my website that has helped many people find freedom from fear. No, it’s not a “cure all”, but it sure does help. Getting rid of fear is a process and it takes work. It seems we have “layers” of fear – what a concept.

If you’d like help with overcoming your fears, contact me for coaching. I’ll help you. Maybe what I’ve learned can help you and encourage you in your journey. You can contact me through my website http://destinysfreedom.com.

Here’s to your freedom!

 

Do you believe in yourself?

Do you believe in yourself?

It takes a lot of courage and confidence to believe in yourself. And most people do not have that kind of courage or confidence. Some people try to pretend that they do – the whole “fake it ‘til you make it” concept – but it often comes across as cocky, arrogant and self-centered. True confidence comes with humility and grace. There is a big difference – most people can spot a phony and it immediately reduces their opinion of you.

How do you believe in yourself then?

What works for me is to believe in something greater than myself. I see evidence of a Greater Good orchestrating events around me, don’t you? How about when you think of a certain friend you haven’t heard from in awhile? You contact them and find out that they needed to talk to you. You called at just the right time.

Or in business, you are thinking of a new idea and just the right person contacts you with something that will make that new idea work.

This happens to me regularly. I’m sure it happens to you too – are you paying attention to these “coincidences”? That’s orchestration. That’s proof that there is something bigger going on – something we don’t see, but something we can become aware of, if we pay attention.

When I think about how I am part of something bigger, something that is working for the Greater Good of the world, it gives me confidence and courage. I know that I am here for a reason. I am part of an orchestra – I play my part and trust that the Conductor will make it all work together so that it comes out as beautiful music.

I am confident that I have something unique to offer. I am confident that I am here for a reason and that without my sound, the orchestra would be missing something essential to the music being played in this century. It may be hard to identify sometimes, but I trust that if my part was not essential, then I would not be here right now.

This confidence gives me courage to be who I am – without explanation, without excuses. Who I am is enough. I am valuable and I have something to contribute that is uniquely my own.

So, how do you develop confidence and courage to believe in yourself? What gives you the motivation to get up in the morning and face the day? Do you believe in something bigger than yourself?

Feel free to comment below. You can contact me privately through my website www.destinysfreedom.com.

What do you wish you were free from?

What do you wish you were free from?

What bothers you the most about your life? Are you anxious all the time? Do you feel a little awkward in social settings?

Do you wish you had more confidence?

Do you feel inadequate at work? In your romantic relationship? As a parent?

Where do you sense that you just don’t “measure up”?

I have been working with people for many years – helping them find freedom from what stands in their way. What’s bothering you? What’s holding you back from moving forward with your life?

Are you having a hard time in letting go of the past? Do you wish you could just move on with your life?

Working with a Freedom Coach can help!

What benefits can you receive from freedom coaching?

– a safe place to process your thoughts, without fear of judgment

– confidentiality in handling personal matters

– expert advice, if requested

– unconditional acceptance and support

– insight to help you identify and remove obstacles that may be holding you back

– a sounding board for new ideas you are considering

Talking to a Freedom Coach is like having a best friend and an expert all in one. Someone who will listen to you objectively and then will help you decide what is best for YOU. A Freedom Coach has no vested interest in your issues (as opposed to a friend or family member who wants you to do what THEY think is best). A Freedom Coach listens carefully, reflects back to you what she hears you saying and then presents various options you could choose in making the right decision for YOU. You decide what’s best for you – no one makes this decision for you.

When talking things over with friends and family, you may often feel pressured to do what they want you to do. You may not feel free to really say what you are thinking or feeling because you know they won’t agree or might not understand. A Freedom Coach is a neutral party – she is not overly concerned about how you live your life – she will give you the freedom to make your own choices.

 

How is coaching different from therapy?

A  Freedom Coach works with people who are mentally healthy. Clients are able to cope with day to day life – they work or go to school, etc. They are handling life, but they want something MORE. They are dissatisfied and want to find fulfillment in some area of life. They might be unhappy in their marriage/relationship, they might be interested in a new career or they may need support in dealing with family conflicts. Often they are convinced that life could be better for them if they just got some help. That’s where a  Freedom Coach comes in.

I’ve been helping people for over 20 years find freedom from whatever they want freedom from. It’s not that hard, but it may feel overwhelming to try and do it yourself. Having a coach gives you the support you need to make the changes you KNOW you want to make.

Feel free to comment below. You can contact me privately through my website www.destinysfreedom.com. My rates are reasonable – you’ll be surprised how affordable it is!

Have a great day!